Mastering the Art of Receiving Feedback: A Guide to Growth and Improvement
How to receive positive and negative feedback and learn from it
Receiving feedback is hard.
Sometimes, it is harder to receive feedback than to give it. This might be related to the fact that we are usually prepared when giving feedback. We need to prepare because we don’t want to hurt those who receive our feedback.
However, we can also hurt people when we receive feedback.
When someone gives us feedback, we might make them feel unlistened. We might not realize they are vulnerable, and our reaction to their feedback can make the difference between improving and mining our relationship. Receiving feedback is as important as giving it.
Feedback can help us grow in our careers and lives, so it is crucial to take the good from it.
Start listening
When receiving feedback, listen.
Many of us make the mistake of thinking about what to say next. This often comes with good intentions, like not wanting to hurt the other person or making introspection. That’s great! But later, first listen. Focus on the other person and what they are saying.
Feedback is for you, and understanding it is your primary goal.
Ask questions only after the other person has finished talking. When people try to give feedback, they usually want to be clear, so it isn’t uncommon for them to reorganize the speech and approach it from another perspective. Questions value the other person’s perspective, but ask them when you are sure they have finished.
Questions should come after the feedback is finished.
Avoid default response
Sometimes, we have a default response to feedback.
Sometimes, we might have a default response to a specific sentence. I default respond when people say, “Thank you” instead of saying, “You’re welcome” or something similar. For some reason, I respond, “No, thank you.”
This usually happens with positive feedback.
When people compliment us, we might respond with something like “Nah” or “Oh, that’s not true” instead of thanking them. This is due to insecurity but, in some situations, might lead to discomfort and embarrassment. Especially when it happens in the work environment, the feedback concerns your professionalism or skills.
When this happens with negative feedback, it can lead to discomfort.
Train yourself to avoid default responses.
Think about your default responses. Once you find one, focus on these steps:
wait two seconds before responding
think about your default response
respond something different
Saying “Thank you” to a compliment is a great answer.
Poorly delivered feedback
Receiving feedback is challenging, primarily when it is poorly delivered.
Not everyone is good at giving feedback. Some people might not explain what they think in words. Sometimes, they are not direct because they worry about your feelings. Sometimes, they are too direct, and you feel hurt.
There is always something good.
When receiving feedback, you must think, “There is always something good.” You have to find it. While listening, pick the parts that sound clearer and more interesting. You can ask questions about those.
Don’t waste the opportunity just because it is given right.
Circle back
It happens that, when receiving feedback, we feel overwhelmed.
We realize we are not ready to receive feedback properly. It could be because it’s Friday and we had a terrible week or because it was a busy day and we still have many things to do. Receiving feedback needs attention.
That’s why asking to follow up at a different time is better.
This could also happen while receiving feedback. We understand we are not in the mood to receive the feedback right in the middle of the conversation. In this situation, we must be kind and honest.
Explain why you are not able to receive the feedback appropriately.
Make sure to follow up. Failure to do so will make the other person feel you don’t care.