Breaking Down Barriers: How to Remove Your Knower Armor and Lead With Curiosity
Defeat your ego and let your team shine.
If I had only one hour to save the world, I would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem, and only five minutes finding the solution.
Alber Einstein
There is no clear evidence that this quote came from Einstein, but the concept remains.
So many times, we focus on solutions instead of understanding the problem. This is especially true if we didn’t come up with the problem but it is reported by someone else. Leaders often have the feeling they need to know everything.
The truth is the complete opposite.
The knower’s armor
When facing a problem, it is essential to discuss it.
If you are a team lead and your team needs your input, it is easy to start wearing the knower’s armor. The knower’s armor is heavy, and wearing heavy armor makes it harder to bring with you other packages. Consider all the information your team is trying to provide you as packages.
You can’t take those packages while wearing the knower’s armor.
With the knower’s armor, you are usually making one of two assumptions:
You know more
You must know more
1. You know more
When you assume you know more, you don’t listen because you don’t need to.
You don’t take time to understand the problem because you assume you know the solution. You don’t listen to what people are saying because you already know everything. You don’t need the conversation; they should do what you tell them.
When you wear this kind of armor, you let your ego prevail.
You are assuming you are better than the other people in the discussion. You know more than them, so you are there to manage them. They’ll feel lost without your wise guidance. They need you, and you only need them because you don’t have time to do everything by yourself.
This kind of armor brings together the shield of micromanagement.
2. You must know more
When you assume you must know more, you don’t listen because you can’t.
When you wear this armor, you feel you are the leader because you are better than the others. If you don’t know something, that will destroy people’s trust in you. Not knowing the solution to a problem means you are unsuitable for the job.
When you wear this kind of armor, you let shame prevail.
If your team knows more than you do, they don’t need you. You must race to find a solution. Otherwise, you won’t be the best. While your team talks to you, you might find yourself googling stuff to ensure you know. You need to know everything.
While wearing this armor, you can’t listen because you are too busy avoiding uncomfortable situations.
The image above shows a pretty famous song in Italy that came out of a talent show.
The song describes a situation in which workers are discussing a problem. Their boss comes uninvited to the discussion and is ready to explain the solution they found immediately. The song uses sarcasm and irony to express the workers’ feeling of being treated like stupid.
Don’t be the “Bello Bello.”
Removing the armor
So, how can you remove the armor?
To remove the armor, you need to start listening. As said at the beginning of the post, focus on the problem, not the solution. You are not in the arena and don’t need any armor. Your team is already doing the vulnerable move; they’re calling you.
When your team needs you, they are in a vulnerable position.
Starting the conversation with armor is a big mistake.
You are not the leader because you are better than other team members. You are not the leader to solve your team’s problems. No one is expecting you to find solutions.
Your team needs your support, not your solutions.
The curiosity bag
Don’t wear any armor, but bring your bag.
Use curiosity as your bag to carry all the information your team provides you. Being curious is a vulnerable move. Remember, your team is already vulnerable, so the least you can do is be vulnerable yourself.
Focus on these steps.
1. Understand the problem
Use curiosity to ask questions and understand the problem.
Don’t focus on any solution. Make sure you understand the problem. This is the crucial part where you ensure everyone is on the same page.
It might happen that people in the room are trying to solve different problems.
Once everyone is aligned, you need to understand the process of finding a solution. Your team has more context than you on the problem, so let them explain. There are some great starters you can use with your team to do that:
Tell me more.
Help me understand…
Walk me through…
I’m working on this assumption; what about you?
2. Ask them what they need
You are not in the discussion to find a solution.
What are the obstacles? What are the options we have? What support do you need?
Be open and be curious about what are the options they already evaluated. Let them explain to you and share their thoughts. You need your curiosity bag filled with what they have found so far.
You were not in the discussion in the beginning; they were.
That’s why you want them to tell you what they need. You want them to speak and express what support they need from you. Do they need your knowledge on a topic? Do they need your permission to do something? Do they need your opinion on a solution they found?
The book Dare to Lead has a great question about this situation:
What does support from me looks like?
Asking your team this question will make them express their needs and construct how they believe your support should be. You don’t need to make assumptions; let them tell you what they need.
Resources
Most of this post was inspired by the book Dare to Lead (affiliate link).
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